“I give up.”
My wife, Jess, and I were in the kitchen on a Saturday morning. The kids were buzzing around us as they made breakfast. One was making oatmeal, another was spreading way too much Nutella on a piece of toast, and cereal boxes were all over the counter. I had just spent time reading my Bible and simply being still. But even though I had just refueled my heart, rather than looking forward to Sunday, I was trying to figure out how I could avoid it.
Not a great state of mind for a pastor.
Our kitchen had the same energy as a Waffle House late on a Saturday night which, if you don’t know the reference, is a lot of energy. But I was struggling. Discouraged. Jess could tell, and she sat down beside me at the table. Touched my shoulder.
Those three words left my mouth as a breath—I was too exhausted and defeated to use my voice, to even give a firm two-weeks’ notice. If I didn’t have enough energy to enunciate my plans, I certainly didn’t have the energy to officially type up my resignation, hand it in, and formally walk away from the thing I had once felt so sure I was called to do.
You wouldn’t have guessed it from the outside. To an observer, I looked like a happy guy standing with his beautiful wife in the kitchen of their brand-new home in a fantastic city. Our four incredible children were creating chaos around us as we talked: we had officially entered into a new season of independence where they prepared their own breakfasts. This was a new level of parental freedom.
But I couldn’t even muster a smile. Instead, all I could think about was leaving my job—walking away from the dream I had poured my life into building. Things were hard. People were hard. I’m sure I was difficult at times. I know, pastors are supposed to carry a cheerful spirit of optimism like Ted Lasso, with the vigor of an Olympic athlete, topped off with a little bit of Fortune 500 CEO. Sometimes I’m like that—I’m a dreamer, after all—but if I’m honest, I hadn’t felt that way in a long time.
I was done.
This was a no-gas-left-in-the-tank resignation.
I had no more strength for sermon prep and staff meetings. No vision for the areas where our church could grow. No willingness to meet another person for counseling over coffee. I couldn’t even find the energy to refill my heart with what would refresh me. My time in the Scripture had become dry. My prayers seemed to be received by a void, rather than by God. The things that of old had replenished—now felt ineffective.
Worst of all, I had no more energy to love my wife like I wanted to. I was too tired even to take my kids on fun adventures. Honestly, I had no motivation for anything.
That moment in the kitchen with Jess wasn’t the result of a tough week or even a series of tough weeks. It wasn’t just a difficult season—as we like to say in the church. These were years of pain, exhaustion, and even despair. If you find yourself in a similar moment, you are not alone. I see you, and I hear you. I’ve been there.
I’ve had my pain and you’ve had yours. We each have had our unique struggles. The important thread we share is that we all face resistance. By resistance, I mean anything that’s causing discouragement, defeat, or even despair in your life. A sense of pushback making every day seem to be an uphill climb rather than a gentle coast. And the pain from that resistance hurts a lot.
Maybe it’s a dream that hasn’t quite worked out like you’d hoped.
It could be a marriage that’s past the days of “for better” and has entered into a time of “for worse.” You wonder if staying isn’t worth the fight anymore—and the future of your family is on the line.
Maybe a friendship or another key relationship has gone awry. You can’t imagine your life without this person, but right now, you can’t take another day with them, either.
Maybe it’s a lack of connection that has you ready to call it quits. After finding yourself in the deep end of a desire to date and hopefully marry one day, dead end after dead end of endless swiping has convinced you to consider a monastic lifestyle.
Relocations and job switches always promise a big payoff. Who doesn’t love a new start, especially when the old way is filled with so much pain? But once the newness wears off and the challenges arise, will giving up and trying somewhere new be your go-to option again?
The list only gets longer. It may seem like whatever you attempt, there’s an overwhelming sense of persistent resistance clouding your life.
If you follow Jesus, avoiding hard times and escaping pain is impossible. Jesus warned his friends that life would not be easy, telling them, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). There’s zero equivocation in that.
But look at what he says next: “Take heart! I have overcome the world.”
And on those days when we feel like we really just want to quit—whether it’s our calling, our faith, our family, or the cornerstone rhythms of life that keep us healthy and whole—on those days, we need a good path forward, and we need something at the ready that’s going to help us hang on just a little longer. Because it’s right there in the verse: Jesus has overcome all the trouble this world can throw at us. There is a harvest on the other side of hard trials. Right now, handing in your two-weeks’ notice feels like all the harvest you need, and I get that.
But what if there’s more?
The Scriptures speak of a harvest for those who are willing to persevere through the hard things in life.
Because hard things are always going to come. I’m sorry to say, but my words aren’t going to make all your problems go away. The instinct you have to quit—to walk away while it all burns down—isn’t going to go anywhere. But if we can befriend that resistance we’re facing—if we can learn to acknowledge it, understand it, and be honest with God about it—we will become better equipped to make our way through it.
Here’s what I wish I could go back and tell that guy in the kitchen.
Here’s what I believe Jesus would say to him.
Here’s what I want to say to you today.
Don’t give up. Not just yet.
Adapted from Don’t Give Up Just Yet: Choosing Persistence in a World of Overwhelming Resistance by Nick Connolly. Copyright © 2024. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries. All rights reserved.
